victim - I need help, how to deal, how to live?

You need to talk to a professional, they know how to help in situations like these. Even if you got "Too Drunk" it was not your fault, if you are not conscious enough to say yes or no, its not your fault (although we all know not to put ourselves into those situations, it happens to the best of us). That dirtbag that took advantage of your status is to blame. is never the victims fault. But I think you need to talk to a mental health care professional.